The Lindsey Family

I FEEL MY MOTHER'S PAIN!!

I can honestly say for the first time in my life that I understand my mother's pain and insatiable desire for her family.  When I was a young married person with 4 little people running around my main focus was always within that circle. I had  difficulty seeing beyond my very important little world. Mom never had enough of us. She would often voice her sadness at not being closer to her children. I would brush it aside thinking foolishly that that was the way life was. She would hold my children close and call them sweetheart but I didn't understand how dear they really were to her. When I would talk to her on the phone and tell her of my fears, sorrows or concerns she would fret and become distraught. I soon just stopped telling. What I did not understand then that I do now is the incredible pain that my struggles and choices gave to my mom. I'm sure she had visions of family gatherings where siblings were best friends and cousins were each other's strengths. She set the stage and we played the part for a while. But time and distance left my mother far away from us with failing health. The insatiable need for family didn't go away but we sort of did. As I begin to mirror my mother's life I am filled with regret for not understanding her pain. Opportunites, lifestyle, financial success all pale in comparison to my wish today that I was within walking distance from my dad so that I could visit him daily and hold him close. I'm not sure how I am going to walk the pathway of the distant grandma, I only know that the solo days will be peppered with occasional tears.